No Ego

'He who would fight monsters must take care not to become one.' - Nieztsche

Displays of ego risk undermining anything you achieve by following the first five Keys to Trust. Check your ego at the door!

Sounds easy! But have you ever broken any of these rules:

• Force yourself not to act to impress but to act out of values
• Never seek compliments from the team
• Never moan about your lot to the team
• Praise people as much in their absence as in their presence
• Acknowledge and learn from failure
• No matter how hard you work, don't seek or reward a macho hours culture

If you have, these are subtle but still destructive displays of ego.

Acknowledging Failure

Acknowledging failure and committing to put things right shows honesty, openness and a commitment to learning. Explain to people that if they too make a mistake, the best thing they can possibly do is to come forward openly, and that your focus will be on helping to put things right.The opposite of this is a blame culture where no-one comes forward, hiding mistakes until they become crises.

It is often said of politicians that their desire for positions of power makes them by definition unsuitable for them. This is because the stereotypical keys to promotion in politics – spinning situations to personal advantage, shifting blame, taking credit, and moving up at the expense of others - create distrust and poor teamwork: the very opposite of the above rules.

• John F Kennedy acknowledged his responsibility for the Bay of Pigs failure in Cuba, in the phrase: Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan. He showed then that ego and politics could be separated, and earned people’s trust. In contrast, public distrust of politicians today is commonplace.

Never Complain

Never complaining to the team or organisation you lead is a fiercely hard rule to adhere to at all times. But you are there to encourage and inspire – and you are probably better paid. Jackie Kennedy-Onassis had a famous motto for dealing with the media: Never Complain Never Explain – a phrase first coined by nineteenth century British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli. The equivalent for effective organisational leaders should perhaps be Never Complain Always Explain.

Macho hours culture

Even if you decide to work long hours periodically,make it clear that:

• this should be the exception not the norm
• others should not take their lead from you
• there are no points to be scored by being seen to work late
• the quality and outcomes of work matter more than quantity

Equally importantly, don't reflect a macho culture by praising people for working late. Challenge people who boast about overworking.

Persistently long hours simply mean a life out of balance. They implicitly show that you are failing to see the whole person. At the end of your life, will you wish that you’d spent more time at the office? Should your gravestone say ‘loving father/mother/husband/wife’ or ‘excessively hard-working manager in a company’?

Praise

Praise others for their contribution and character, and in their absence praise them just as highly. One of the best ways to praise in absentia is to praise them to the organisation’s Board Directors / Trustees / Owners. The person you are praising may never get to hear of it – how frustrating when you want to see a ‘return’ for your approach to leadership! – but confidence in the organisation as a whole will grow. And if you get to hear of praise for a member of your organisation that they would never otherwise hear, pass it on to them: this can give people a huge unexpected boost.

But be aware of the three most important Praise Pitfalls:

1. Praise is not a panacea. It is often seen as the easy way to build a positive culture, and it can go some way towards it. But in itself praise does not build trust, because trust is based not on words, but on actions that reinforce a people-centred approach. Some leaders use it lavishly instead of devoting time to the six keys to trust. Praise without Fulfilling Commitments, Reasoning, and Staying True is a quick fix only.
2. If you praise someone to their colleagues, make sure that people cannot reasonably interpret this as implicit criticism of everyone else. Be fair in your sharing out of praise.
3. Be wary of any of your managers who never praise to you the people they manage. This can be a classic habit of bullying. Bullies tend to take credit from, and heap blame on, the people they are supposed to help inspire. For more information on bullying see the FAQs section of this site.

Humility

An old oriental proverb says: Though one man conquer a thousand times a thousand in battle, he who conquers himself is the greatest warrior.

Sometimes your ego will be tempted to surface, maybe when you have just achieved something outstanding, or when you are entering a difficult discussion where egos may collide. The Romans would constantly remind their Caesars during Triumphal processions by whispering the words in their ear: Remember you are mortal. A more practical reminder nowadays, for situations when you think your ego will be tempted out into the light of day, might be to display something the colour of violet where you will notice it – a pad of paper on your desk, a neck tie … whatever suits you. Violets are the flowers that symbolize humility.

Humility does not signify being supine, nor does it indicate a lack of charisma (Mahatma Gandhi was one of the most powerful and charismatic twentieth century leaders). It is simply the opposite of ego. If a leader can be focused, gain trust, but keep their humility, they will get the most out of all around them – and will enjoy the journey.

'Good leaders grow people, bad leaders stunt them. Good leaders serve their followers, bad leaders enslave them." - Sir Adrian Cadbury